Impossible by Sarah Lotz

Author:Sarah Lotz [Lotz, Sarah]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: HarperCollinsPublishers
Published: 2021-12-24T17:00:00+00:00

NICK

Some of this is going to be hard to express without coming across as a cold-hearted bastard as well as the usual miserable one, but what’s the point of reliving this if I’m not going to at least try and be honest?

My first reaction to the news about Dylan was shock. The kind that hits you deep in the pit of your stomach, then bleeds ice water through your body. Then sorrow. The kind that hits you everywhere, but mostly in the heart. Sorrow for Dylan and sorrow for Poll. The pain she must have gone through in Bee’s world. Is going through … This brought back the old guilt for not telling my Poll about Dylan’s issues. Is this also why I’d held back from telling Bee about it? Because it didn’t seem right telling her, when I hadn’t told Poll? I’d kept schtum back then because Dylan had asked me to keep it between us and I didn’t want to risk breaking our fragile trust before it had a chance to strengthen. It had been a long slow process for both of us – including several months of paranoia where I basically spied on my own stepson, sneaking into his room, delving through his belongings, and (Christ) scouring his Arpanet history for any sign that he was considering trying it again. And, as irrational as it was, the urge to know for sure that he really was fine was overwhelming. My instinct was to hop on a train to Birmingham to see Dylan in person, but that would have been so out of character he’d clock something was up. After I’d calmed myself down, I called him instead.

‘Nick? What’s happened?’

‘Eh?’

‘You only ever text unless you have big news. Is Mum okay?’

‘Fine as far as I know.’ At least in this world she was. ‘Thought I’d give you a shout, see how you are.’

‘I’m at work, Nick.’

‘But everything’s okay otherwise?’

‘Er, yeah. Course it is. You sound funny. Is everything okay with you? Has the place where you’re staying got freakier?’

‘That would be impossible. Hey, why don’t you come and visit? See the madhouse for yourself? Rosie and I would love to see you.’

‘I will when I get time off.’

Then I called Poll, catching her as she was leaving school. I was both devastated for and proud of Alternative World Poll. She would have done much the same here if the worst had happened – channelled her pain into making a change. The conversation was pretty much a re-run of how it had gone with Dylan. ‘Nick? Is this about the house? The potential buyers are being tricky, so I can’t give you your share yet.’

‘It’s not about that. Just wanted to see how you are.’

‘Has something happened? Are you okay?’

‘Everything’s cool. I’m really just checking in. All okay with Jez?’

‘Fine.’

I’d achieved the opposite of my intention: if anything, they were now worried about me. Mental note: call more often.

I’d tried to reassure Bee that she’d done the right thing, but the truth of it was, I didn’t know if she had.

Download

Copyright Disclaimer:
This site does not store any files on its server. We only index and link to content provided by other sites. Please contact the content providers to delete copyright contents if any and email us, we'll remove relevant links or contents immediately.